A Client Submits Feedback On Her Prostitutes

Question

I am trying to translate the following line, inspired by a fatuous Roman spoof, "Plebs", in which two hapless new recruits to a cadre of male prostitutes, the "Knights of Eros", are being debriefed, by the Chief Knight, Zeno (Christopher Biggins):

Sadly, a disgruntled and dissatisfied lady client had submitted negative feedback-forms; consequently, these would-be male Sirens were dismissed. They were unable to support the ethos of Eros.

Three words cause me trouble:

• How to say "feedback", in Latin? An ablative absolute e.g. "opinione remitto" = "with the opinion having been sent back"; better to use one word, a gerund, "remittendum" = "the-sending-back-(thing)"?

• Similarly, "ethos"? The noun, norma, ae (fem.) = "standard", "pattern"; followed by a genitive?

• Also, "cliens" is given as masculine in the dictionary. Is "cliens" valid for females?

Here's my proposed translation:

Triste, infelix, non-satisfacta cliens/clienta domina malum remittendum, de suis lupis, dedit. Hi qui fierent Sirenes masculini, normas Cupidinis sustinere deliquerant ut dimitterent.

Is the translation correct?

Answer 1

Here are some ideas:

• Instead of translating word by word, look for a way to put the entire phrase. For example, "to submit negative feedback" could be rendered as reclamare. For example, "to cry out against someone" would be in aliquem reclamare. This might not be literally equivalent to what you have in English, but makes for natural Latin and conveys the same idea.

• I would have nothing against using a word like cliens for a female. In fact, you could see it as an adjective, as it originates from a participle. However, given that there is a separate word clienta for a female client, you should go with that. If there weren't, you could supply a pronoun to help, translating "a female client" to cliens quaedam.

• Don't translate the whole sentence at first. Strip it down to essentials and translate them first and gradually make the translation fatter. You could simplify the first sentence to

A lady client had submitted negative feedback(-forms).

I would translate that as:

Clienta quaedam reclamavit.

You could then connect that to the next bit by ideoque, "and therefore".

Your translation does not seem to make sense to me (which could indicate my tired state more than anything). I urge you to first extract the key structures of each sentence, even if it means just three words, and then translating that. By translating the dominating components first and subordinate ones later leads to a natural structure.

• There are several possible ways to approach "ethos". Often simplest solutions are most elegant, so I suggest considering mos or mores. Other words that come to mind are stirps, indoles, and dignitas. I would be happy to translate "the ethos of Eros" as mos Cupidinis. The god often goes by this Latin name.

• Perhaps you could use quasi for "would-be".

With these ideas, I would suggest something like this:

Triste clienta quaedam insatiata reclamavit. Ideoque ei quasi Sirenes masculini dimissi sunt, qui non potuissent fungi more Cupidinis.